I remember waking up in my ex-girlfriend’s bed with a terrible, life-threatening hangover. There were tears on her face, an angry countenance, because of all the things I’ve done in my drunken stupor. I was around 20 this time, and I promised her a good date for just the two of us, I ended up drinking liquor and taking Xanax bars on that date (which is extremely dangerous and is almost like a demon possession.) She ended up breaking up with me right then and there as she should have a long time ago. During our relationship, I had taken advantage of her, embarrassed her, cheated on her, and probably a lot more that I can’t remember, all because of my drunken state. Her poor, kind soul had to put up with my selfishness and just couldn’t handle another second of it anymore. The craziest thing is that a few years later after she broke up with me, she actually died in a car crash while she was on the highway after colliding with another driver. She had an amazing family who deeply cared about her and supported her in everything she did. The sad thing for me was that I never had the chance to sincerely apologize to her for my wicked behavior during the time I was drinking. The pain, regret, and guilt can still haunt me to this day, but I’ve learned to forgive myself and truly repent of my past. But what was the initial cause of my addictions? What makes a handsome young man flip out and develop addictions at a young age? To answer these questions, let’s look at who the drinker was.
My name is Eduardo Matus, and I was an alcoholic for 7-8 years. I started experimenting with drugs and alcohol at the tender age of 14 out of influence and curiosity. My entire childhood was fear-based. I didn’t understand what life meant and couldn’t grasp why I was born with so many problems. I was bullied throughout elementary for being “different,” and at home there was no peace due to the alcoholism, fighting, and being held hostage to a strong demonic presence. All these things led me to develop every fragment of negativity. I started developing suicidal tendencies, having homicidal thoughts, extreme feelings of loneliness, and of course anxiety and depression. As I’ve gotten older, I was led to believe that a criminal lifestyle would allow me to project my pain that the world has brought upon me. I started stealing, robbing people, selling and doing drugs, scamming and developed an aspiration for murder. My mental and physical health were deteriorating as I’ve developed an alcohol addiction. I would constantly drink and smoke to the point where I would blackout and lose my conscious. My addiction was so bad that I ended up mixing pills like Xanax and Ecstasy in my alcohol. I had done everything to escape my reality, and self-medicate in the most unhealthy way ever.
Fast forward to 2021, I got arrested for an assault with a deadly weapon. Waking up in a holding cell with a hungover is probably the worst feeling ever as you are forced to face some of your deepest and darkest thoughts. I had came to the ultimate realization that the life I was living was a lie. The “friends” I had were a lie, my identity was a lie, even my own achievements were lies. I was blessed enough to leave the holding cell, but I had to reap what I had sowed; and faced a profusion of problems in the neighborhood I was living in. I was still drinking at this time, and during this period I had many relationships with different women (even the baby mother of a psychopath,) and lived a sexually immoral, hedonistic lifestyle; But there was something inside of me that was looking for change.
I started learning about Christianity and who Jesus was. I then met this amazing girl online who inspired me to go to church. We dated for a few months and we ended up breaking up in August 2022, because she was tired of me getting drunk all the time (which was the root to every issue in the relationship.) She had every right to do so, and I still respect her till this day. However, the break up was the coup de grâce to get my life together. I had tried to quit alcohol so many times from August 2022 to July 2023 but nothing worked. The longest duration of time of my sobriety lasted for 2 weeks, and after that I would go back to drinking. It wasn’t till August of 2023 when I had experienced a punishment from God. I was on a drinking spree until for whatever reason I couldn’t get drunk anymore. I had drank so much alcohol to the point where my own body couldn’t handle it anymore. My liver and my heart started hurting, and my mental health was declining. I couldn’t sleep for an entire week, and was in very bad shape. I remember being on my bed reflecting on my life, and realizing the kind of person I was. I was an alcoholic, a selfish and weak person.
I remember during that span amount of time begging God to have mercy on my soul, and to revive me, but one verse came to mind; and that was Hebrews 12:6 “For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.” I knew that this punishment was all for the good, because only God knows how stubborn and stuck I was on quitting alcohol. I was in a lot of mental and physical pain, completely fatigued and had no rest. This had happened for an entire week, I felt like I had lost my mind, I couldn’t speak properly, couldn’t eat, and was convinced that this was going to last forever. Fortunately, I started to slowly recover after that week. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced that kind of violent withdrawal/hangover from alcohol in my life; it definitely left a scar on me, and that’s a good thing. After that experience, I’ve been more serious about my faith in Jesus which is a tremendous help when it comes to addictions, I’ve also done some study on alcohol; and began to hate alcohol with all my heart. The deliverance from alcohol is incredible, I feel so much more better, confident, and have incredible cognitive abilities. Quitting the devil’s juice opened so many great opportunities for me, I feel like a completely different man. Here’s just SOME of the benefits of what quitting alcohol can do for you:
- Increase In Mental Clarity
- Improved Physical Health
- Better Performance
- Decrease In Stress & Anxiety
- Improved Mood
- Stronger Immune System
- Hormonal Balance + Increase In Testosterone
- Better Digestive System
- Better Sleep
- Healthier & More Meaningful Relationships
- Closer To God
What I’ve learned from quitting alcohol was that it’s so easy to make excuses to have a drink, but we’re so blind to the fact that we’re literally stopping ourselves from achieving our highest potential in life. If I had quit alcohol sooner, I would have possibly established an entire kingdom as of now. My advice for anyone struggling with alcohol, and what worked for me was to seek God and to forgive yourself. Alcoholism causes shame and guilt; we tend to condemn ourselves because of our past and where we are now person. You must first acknowledge that you have a problem, and you are in need of healing. There is a reason to everything, including a reason why you drink. If you’ve made it this far into reading this, I need you to get a piece of paper and a pen, and write down why you drink, and then write a forgiveness letter to yourself. You must forgive yourself for damaging your beautiful, precious God-given temple, and for not taking your mental health seriously. Then after that, look in the mirror and shed so much love and compassion you can towards yourself. You must understand that you’re a soul, and if your heart is still beating that means God has not given up on you. Pray as much as you can towards this addiction, and seek God with all your heart. Remember, alcohol will never benefit you in any way, shape, or form, but rather cause you damage every single day of your life. If I, and millions of people can get through this, so can you. Let me ask you this question, has alcohol ever healed you from your past? Has it ever done you any good? Have you learned anything from your drunkenness?
I’m just gonna leave on a final note, and offer this valuable piece of wisdom: The way to heal your pain/trauma is by sobriety. You must not be idle, be on your personal purpose which is to become the man you desire to be, and then give that man to the whole world. Find solutions in life, then give those solutions to those in need. Put your faith and trust not in man, but in God.
